Q&A Prison Brain Decoding System

Dear Friends; Many thanks for all your good and encouraging comments from the 'prison Brain Decoding System" article. I did not get any questions but only comments such as: "you will be ok"; "it is a temporarily decoding" ; "do not worry. . ."; "you will succeed. .." "you are smart. . .". I am amazingly grateful for the confidence that you have brought upon me and you can rest assured that I will not let you down. However if I get invitations upon my release I will ask people to be patient with me in case of any brain decoding. I do not have any scheduled date, neither I do have a boyfriend; but can you imagine how embarrassed I would be if I go on a dinner-date and I get confused with the forks and spoons?, I guess I will laugh at myself and have a good time with my decoded brain. I will be curious to know if anyone out there can tell that I was released from prison from a long incarceration or that aliens just dropped me on this planet to get a good laugh. I love you all. Yraida

Prison Brain Decoding System

For those of you who do not know FCC-Coleman, this Federal Correctional Complex is a humungous place. It is about 1800 acres. There are 2 USP each one housed about 1400 prisoners, a medium facility that housed almost 2000 prisoners; a low facility that house almost 2500 prisoners and a female camp with 500 female prisoners. And the place keep growing, every day you see more and more new construction sites and more private houses that were finally given-up by their owners and sold to the BOP. Not too long ago the complex acquired a house, the house is located completely out of the complex boundaries, to get there you must cross CR-500. I had to drop some papers in that house and I was afraid to go by myself, even though I was authorized to go, I still was scared (you never know with the government, so it is better to be on the safe-side); so I asked my boss to drive with me; and we went to the house; when we arrived at the house, I jumped from the truck when I saw the beautiful carved-glassdoor from the drive-way; my boss was behind me and I said to him: "Look, how beautiful!" (to me, windows and doors are a very special parts of a house), then I proceed to knock on the door, doing it very carefuly because I did not want to leave a spot on the glass-door. I was so amazed by the beauty of the door that I was anxiously expecting for the door to be opened and to express my feelings to the occupants of the house. A well dressed staff member opened the door looked at me like I was a dump-stupid prisoner and said to me:"don't you know what this is for?" pointing to the door-bell; he continued looking at me like I was an illiterate retarded person and said: "if you have never seen one of these; this is how it works"; and he pressed his finger on the door-bell; I was so embarrased also feeling so little, I was between 2 men in position of authority one calling me a dump-stupid prisoner 9with his actions) and the other one looking at me in silence. No human being enjoys to be treated like a dump-stupid person and of course I am no exception; however due to the arrogant part of my personality I was not planing to please him by allowing him to know that I was embarrased and quickly I replied to him: "Oh, I was so amazed by the beauty of the door that I completely forgot about the door-bell" and I immediately changed the subject and said" "I came to drop this order off because I need this and that by tomorrow; I went into my business very fast and drove back to work; on my way back I was talking and talking to my boss about different subjects afraid that he was going to bring back the door-bell incident. When we came back to our work place; I went to my work-area by myself and I was in shock of myself, further I was concerned about the reality. My Friends, between you and me, the truth is that my mind has decoded an actual "door-bell". I had completely forgot the existence of a "door-bell". I have not used a 'door-bell" in almost 10 years; so the reality of the door-bell was decoded from my brain; I could not believe it!, I said to myself: "Oh, my Lord, I wonder how many things I have forgotten from the real world?"and then I realized that the Psycologists were correct in their theory that 'more than 5 years of incarceration causes mental damage to any human being", I did not want to believe that and I was always boasting about myself being 'in touch with the real world and my feet on solid ground"; well, My Friends, I forgot that I am just another human being and I react as so. Unfortunately after 10 years of incarceration a human being will decode his/her brain some aspects/objects of the world outside the fence, and that is exactly the purpose of our congressman and judges when they handed down those draconian sentences as they did to me. It is a scgocking reality and in no way does it help the mental capacity of prisoners when they are release to the community. I love you all. You can laugh about this, I do too at times.

Q&A Chinese/Japanese Visit

Well the article about the Chinesse/Japanesse visit was as mysterious as the visit. My friend Carol claimed that she did not receive the article, even though my records stated that it was sent (I do not know what the authorities or the computer did); I can not re-sent it; (Carol is one of my friends who forwards my articles to different organizations and/or around the world. To my surprise (maybe not really surprise) I did not receive any questions, neither comments from the article except from a sister from Venezuela (she works for the University in Falcon-State in the administration) she is older than me, she said: "Do not let anybodys comments bother your happiness . . . God created beautiful, great, gorgeous and pure things but evidentally you are his special edition . . . I love my past because I met you; I love the present because I have you and mostly I love the future because we will be together again . . ." I saw that it was nice from a sister and I wanted to share it with all of you; I also want to share what my fellow inmate, the one who helps me with the corrections (english grammar) of all my writings (when time and conditions permit it because we both have been threatened to be sent to the county jail for her helping me) after she did the corrections I asked her: "what do you think about the article?" she answered: "you see this?" pointing to the bottle of tylenol in her hands, she continued: "everytime that I read your articles I get a headache because there is so much truth in what you write that I get scared knowing that I am a part of it". The reality is frightening, we are tolerant only because there is no other way to be in prison and our sanity is tested daily. I love you all. Yraida (Leo).

A 24"x38" Locker

Two weeks ago we were called by the Unit Manager to a Town Hall meeting. He began the meeting by saying: "do not shoot the messanger!. This is an order from mr. Lappin [BOP's Director] from Washington;" He continued and said: "due to Washington's new policy to unify all federal prisons, straring February 1, 2006 you all will get rid of one locker; you can no longer have two lockers for your personal items". The reply from my fellow prisoners was shock and dissapointment. two weeks had passed and the ladies did not stop talking about the lockers, some got headaches, stomach-aches, vomiting, arguments and crying fits; others put on their strategic hats in plans to install two additional metal shelves in the locker that we will keep. For days all you heard was the run..run..run.. of the power drills drilling the holes for the shelves and the boom..., boom..., boom.... of the hammers installing the shelves. A team of ladies worked hard for long hours and a few days. There were boxes, cloths and personal items all over the place because we had to empty our two lockers in other for the working team to take the two shelves out of one locker and install them in the other locker. There are over 500 inmates at the camp so we are talking about over 1000 lockers. As you can imagine it is not an easy task to empty 4 lockers in a 8'x10' cubicle and place your personal property unsecured around the cubicle (yes there are some that steal in here). The mess, the drama from a few ladies and the loud noise of the hammers and drills on the metal clanging was driving me insane. I choose to walk and walk like a maniac to keep myself out of the housing units' drama; when I was peaceful walking my third mile round, a fellow prisoner asked me: "Guanipa, why haven't you said anything about the lockers; you have been incarcerated for almost 10 years, you must have lots of property"; I answered to her: "I have never accumulated or bought more than what I really need"; then she asked me: "so, you don't mind?", I replied: "no, I really do not"; she said: "why"; I responded: "because I wholeheartdly and mindfully refuse to get attached to anything in prison; I do not belong here, this is just temporary"; then I stoped my walking and looked into her eyes and said to her: "when I entered prison 10 years ago and I was not able to hold my sons in my arms anymore, I learned that it is not worth it to get attached to any material thing in life; if I have to wear raggedy cloths and overused shoes I will be proud as long as I am able to hold my sons in my arms every day". Dear friends you may wonder why we had such drama for the locker issue. It is not easy to live in a 24"x38" metal locker; just imagine for a second having all your personal property inside a 24"x38' locker; your cloths, legal documents, food, hygiene products, medicine, educational material, books, magazines and dishes, also our female items such as: make-up, manicure, pedicure set, rollers, combs, brushes, hair accessories, etc, etc, etc..... How we do that? Sometimes it amazes me how we humans get adjusted to almost everything in life; however keep in mind that we shall get adjusted only to the small space but never to the prison environment. The purpose of the present draconian sentences is for us to get adjusted to prison and take prison time as part of our normal life's path; do not get your mind distracted with that; because in a civilized and democratic society, social problems can not be resolved with long prison term inside a two person 8'x10' cubicle with one and one only 24"x38" metal locker. I love you all. Yraida (Leo).

Second Day of Yraida's First Furlough

For 2 hours I stared at my sons, just enjoying how they were peacefully sleeping and holding me. It was around 5:00a.m. when I had a desire to turn to my childhood and be close to my mother, so I went to my mom's bed and layed down very close to her for 1 hour. Suddendly I felt a need to be a sister too and I went to my sister's bed and also layd down next to her for an hour. By that time it was around 7;30a.m., and time for me to get-up. When I was in my way to the bathroom my youngest nephew (Gabriel-5) was coming downstairs and when he saw me, he said: "Tia Leo (aunt Leo) can you sleep with me?. I feel alone, everybody is sleeping"; I hugged him and said: "of course my darling, it will be my pleasure". Well, I did have an opportunity to be an aunt also. He fell asleep on my chest and I stared at him for a while, thenI got-up. I wanted to start fixing the breakfast for my family, wash my sons' cloths and just enjoy house chores that sometimes, we mothers hate. I took the dishes out of the dishwaher, swep the kitchen; I never thought that I was going to be so happy doing house chores. I guess we just take so many things for granted in life. My brother, sister and my brother'n law finished the meal and we all had a great and big brunch meal that we all enjoyed, specially me. There were dishes that I had not eaten in almost 10 years. I later spent some time alone with my sons, then they begged me to take them to the swimming pool. It was the first time in my life that my sons and nephews were begging me. How can I say no. I said: "Ok, just for 2 hours; it is almost time for mommie to go back";I took them to the swimming pool but I did not want to swing, I said to them: "I am going to sit here just watching the four of you; do not cross that line, ok?" they all agreed. For 2 hours I was like living a dream when I heard my sons and nephews say over and over again: "mommie look how I jump'; "mommie look, I know how to swim like a Dolphin"; "mommie look"; "mommie look"; tia (aunt) look"; "tia look"; ... I was proud of them and they were proud of themselves too. I wanted the time to stop; i was not looking at the watch; I was loosing consicious of time/place and responsabilities; then I heard my mom calling me from the distance: "hija (daughther), it is time to go"; I did not want to hear that; she continued and said: "it is getting late and we may encounter some traffic"; my heart was falling apart. To get some strenght I choose to call a very special friend of mine, I called his 2 phone #'s and I got his answering machine; at that moment my mom was in front of me and said: "leo we must go now"; I said "oh yes, yes, let's go". When we were getting close to the prison, my mom saw a tear rolling down on my cheeks and she sait to me: "do not think about going back; just think positive and think the good time that you just had and that your time is almost over." I took my mom's advice, but I must confess to all of you that it was very painful to say good by to my family and specially let my sons out of my arms. I love you all. Yraida (Leo)

First Day of Yraida's Furlough

Happy New Year to all of you. Yes I had a wonderful Christmas. I must confess to you that the days before my furlough I could hardly sleep. I was anxious, but mostly I was afraid to be like a foreigner to my family and my sons; however the minute that I walked out of prison they made me feel like I had never left them. I am immensely greatful and thankful to my family; if there is something that I have learned in prison, it is the value of a family. My family has been my back bone during my 10 grim years of incarceration, they have helped me keep the bond with my sons. They have allowed me to participate and be aware of every detail of my son's lives. I believe that is the main reason why I did not feel like a foreigner with my family. I can not express with words how amanzingly greatful I am to have them. They made my 36 hour furlough a thrilling and joyful experience full of love and happiness. They made sacrifies to make me feel like the most loved mom, daughther, sister, in law and friend; each one of them had a surprise for me during the entire 36 hours. My brother recorded a few CDs with all my favorite songs; as soon as I got in the rental car, he played my favorite songs. My youngest sister used her job's bonus to buy me in-styled cloths (too much styled for me) my special sister (Briglig) did not buy anything for herself this christmas and bought my favorite perfume, body lotion and body powder. She cooked some of my favorite dishes. My other sister had my son's clothes cleaned and organized and made sure that every detail went on as planned, also that everything in the rented apaartment was clean and spotless just the way I liked. My brother in law took care of my favorite treat to myself: a bath-tub with bubbles and scented oil, candles and music; he also made special snacks, took pictures and videos and play our family favorite games. My poor mother has been making so many sacrifies for me and my sons that there is no way that I could ever repay her. She made me Hallacas ( a venezuelan dish) the way I use to eat it at home. She was always asking me if I was happy and if I was satisfied with their agenda. Yes as usual she gave me my surprise christmas' present, but she did not place it under my bed; she asked my sons to give it to me. I was not separated from my sons and from my nephfews (8 and 5) for the entire 36 hours (only when I took a shower) We went on a swing set, stay in the hot jacuzzi, we made christmas cards for all my family members; we watched T.V; we read books; we danced, we listened music and we talked a lot. I hugged and kissed the 4 of them all the time and the did the same to me. I ironed my son's cloths, helped them to get dressed, fixed their foods and much much more. The most precious moment was during our chritsmas dinner around 12 midmight, after one of the boys gave thenks for the food, I proceeded to give thanks to my family (speed that I prepared about 3 months ago) and each one of them also gave thanks to me. The last one was my youngest son Jeswil, he was sitting next to me; he is only 10 and he said: "mommie I want to thanks you because you gave me the most important thing in this world 'my life' ; I am grateful that you choose to bring me into this world, and I am grateful for having you as my mommie and my family". everyone of us cried. I hugged him very hard and told him that I was proud of him for being so wise at such an early age. When we went to sleep, I crawed on the bed first and they came to me and grabbed me like when they were babies, before saying our good night prayer, I told Jeswil that I was very proud and also amazed of his speech he said: "mommie I mean it from my heart, there are women who kill their babies by abortion and you loved me since I was inside your womb". WOW! I was even more amazed. Yrwil hugged me and fell asleep on my chest and Jeswil fell asleep on my back; just like when they were babies. I thanks God for so much love. Yraida

Incarceration Viewpoint from a Male in NJ

BEING LOCKED UP TO ME IS A COMBINATION OF MANY DIFFERENT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. FIRST OFF, I WOULD LIKE TO START BY SAYING, THAT I AM INCARCERATED FOR 2 COUNTS OF ASSAULT. I AM DEEPLY ASHAMED OF THESE CHARGES , AND THEY HAVE BROUGHT GREAT SHAME UPON ME AND MY FAMILY. I HOPE THAT YOU KEEP IN MIND THAT THESE CHARGES ARE OF THE WORST TO BE LOCKED UP ON , AND TO SOME RIGHTFULLY SO, MYSELF INCLUDED. HOWEVER, I MAKE NO EXCUSES AS TO MY ACTIONS AND HAVE ACCEPTED ALL RESPONSIBILITY.
SINCE MY INCARCERATION IN AUGUSE 2004, I HAVE GONE THROUGH MANY PHASES OF PRISON LIFE. WHEN I WAS FIRST ARRESTED, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD EVER BEEN TO A COUNTY FACILITY. I WAS EXTREMELY SCARED, AND KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THE SYSTEM. NOW, KEEP IN MIND, THAT MOST PEOPLE WITH THESE TYPE OF CHARGES, AREN'T NORMAL CRIMINALS. THEY NORMALLY HAVE CLEAN CRIMINAL RECORDS. I SAY THIS BECAUSE WHILE BEING LOCKED UP, A LOT OF ILLEGAL SCAMS GO ON INSIDE THE PRISON WALLS, AND IT BECOMES A BATTLE TO EITHER JOIN INTO IT, OR STAY TO YOURSELF. I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STAY AWAY FROM THE SCAMS, BUT THE LONGER I STAY HERE, THE WORSE THE TEMPTATION BECOMES. MOST PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS WITH PEOPLE (THAT HAVE COMMITTED THE CRIME I DID), BECAUSE THEY SEE IT AS A MORTAL SIN. PERSONALLY, I SEE IT AS THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG, EMOTIONALLY. I'M NOT SAYING I AGREE WITH OTHER PEOPLE THAT HAVE COMMITTED THE SAME CRIME, BUT I UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE REASONS BEHIND THEIR CRIME, BUT NOT ALL. I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY DEAL WITH PEOPLE SAYING THAT WE ARE ANIMALS AND SHOULD BE LOCKED AWAY FOREVER. SOME SHOULD, BUT IF I WERE TO EXPLAIN MY CASE, MOST WOULD UNDERSTAND IT EASIER. MY LIFE IS CONSTANTLY THREATENED BY OTHER INMATES....MURDERERS, ROBBERS,...PEOPLE WITH ALL TYPES OF CRIMES AGAINST PEOPLE WHOSE CRIMES ARE SOMETIMES JUST AS BAD AS MINE, OR WORSE.
LEAVING A FAMILY OUTSIDE ALSO CREATES A SERIOUS AND DANGEROUS SITUATION, WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MY MIND. IT BRINGS ABOUT DEPRESSION AND ANGER, BECAUSE WE HOLD OURSELVES ACCOUNTABLE TO EVERYONE FOR WHAT WE HAVE DONE. I AM DIVORCED BECAUSE OF MY OWN DOING, OF WHICH BROUGHT THESE CHARGES UP. I HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD SON, WHO I REALIZE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG, AND FEELS HE IS THE REASON I AM HERE. ALL THIS WEIGHS HEAVY ON MY MIND, ENOUGH TO MAKE ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP 2 TO 3 TIMES PER WEEK.
BEING HEREIS ALSO HARD BECAUSE AS WE SIT HERE, THE WORLD AROUND US GOES ON. OUR FRIENDS AND OUR FAMILIES GO TO WORK, OR GO TO BALL GAMES, OR GO DO WHAT THEY LIKE TO DO. THIS IS ONE OF OUR PUNISHMENTS, BUT SOCIETY THINKS THAT PRISONERS HAVE TOO MANY FREEDOMS AND RIGHTS. WELL, WE ARE TAKEN CARE OF, BUT WE ALSO DON'T HAVE FREEDOM. IT'S SAID THAT WE HAVE 3 HATS AND A CAR, WELL THAT'S TRUE, BUT WE ALSO HAVE TO LIVE WITH A ROOM-MATE AND A TOIKET 3 FEET FROM US IN AN 9 X 9 FT. CELL. I'D RATHER A CARD BOARD BOX AND SCRAPS , TO BE WITH MY FAMILY THAN HERE. YES, WE GET TO WALK AROUND THE YARD, AND PLAY CARDS AND CHESS. WE ALSO GET TO GO TO ALL KINDS OF CLASSES. THEY EVEN GIVE US A JOB. BUT THE ONE THING WE DON'T HAVE IS "FREEDOM."
THE LAST THING ABOUT BEING LOCKED UP, IS THE FEELING OF HOPE. AS WE ALL GET CLOSER TO OUR PAROLE DATE, OR A MAX. DATE, WE ALL GET EXCITED AT THE THINGS THAT BEING FRRE BRINGS US. MOST WILL RETURN, BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED THEIR WAYS WILL i ? WELL ALL I CAN SAYIS THAT MY SON HOPES THAT I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON AND I WILL ALWAYS BE AROUND TO BE HIS DADDY, AND THAT IS ALL I CAN HOPE FOR.
FINALLY, SOMETHING ELSE I WANT TO ADD, AND I KNOW IT'S OFF THE SUBJECT, BUT I WANT PEOPLE TO TRY TO UNDERSTANDTHAT BEING LOCKED UP MAY SEEM ENJOYABLE TO SOME, BUT ALMOST ALL ARE UPSET ABOUT BEING LOCKED UP, THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO DEAL WITH IT. ALSO, IF YOU HAPPEN TO COME ACCROSS SOMEONE ELSE WHO HAS COMMITTED THE SAME CRIME AS MYSELF, BEFORE YOU JUDGE THEM, GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN, BECAUSE SOME ARE PUT IN BAD SITUATIONS, AS MYSELF. I NEVER SAW IT COMING, BUT HERE I AM. I AM NOT JUSTIFYING IT, BUT RATIONALIZING IT. FOR THE REST OF MY NATURAL LIFE, I WILL HAVE TO JUSTIFY EVERYTHING I DO, AND I CAN NEVER RUN. I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS PASSAGE, AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL............MIKE D......NJ

Prison Complaints?

FYI.......If you have complaints about the Civil Rights violations of prisoners, i.e., poor medical care, abuse, whatever, you can snaol mail, or fax your complaints to the U.S. DOJ Special Litigation Section. They maintain a database of complaints and look for patterns to emerge (probably based on the volume of complaints) and when it gets to a certain point, they will start to look into an intervention. This includes, no heat, overcrowding, no showers, etc.
U.S. DOJ--Special Litigation Section
950 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20530
Phone: 202-514-6255
Fax: 202-514-0212

Answers to Family Day

Dear Friends: P.T.O. means: Prison Talk Online Q/A and C means: Questions, answers and comments I got lots of replies from the Family Day article including questions/comments from overseas, specially Europe/England. Those who have or had a loved one in prison, the reply was the same: "you are not alone in your mixed feelings; we feel the same". The rest were just as surprised, confused and mostly were in shock as to why I was not able to share (family day) with my sons in almost 10 years. They asked me: - If I did not have custody of my sons?; if my sons' father did not let me see my sons?; if I was not allowed to see my sons due to prison's rules and regulations?; if my family abandoned me?;, etc, etc, Here are the answers to all of your questions: -I still have shared custody of my sons; _ I am very grateful to my family and the father of my sons (legally still my husband) because they have been by my side and supporting me all these 10 years; further they always are telling my sons about me and how much I love them; - The prisons rules and regulations does not barred me to see my sons. There are different reasons why I did not have a family day with my sons in always 10 years: the first year there was no family day here at Coleman-Camp; the second year my family could not afford the travel expenses; the 3rd year my family arrived 5 minutes late and they were not allowed in the 4th year I was in Tallahassee and there was no family day in Tallahassee; the 5th year my family could not afford the travel expenses to Tallahassee; the 6th and 7th year I was in Marrianna-Florida and Marrianna did not offer Family day; the 8th year there was no family day here in Coleman because the authorities claimed that they did not have money; the 9 and1/2 year I was finally able to participate in a family day with my sons. There were some comments from England, Africa, and Australia such us: "How the United States government would allow a mother to be separated from her sons for so many years; that's cruel, arcaic and unhumane". Unfortunately what happened to me is not the exception but the rule. In our judicial system the sentences for first-time, non-violent offenders are too long and the prisoners are housed hundreds of miles away from their communities and family and we must keep working to change the system. I love you all. yraida (leo)

Chinese and Japanese Visitors at Camp Coleman

On August 2-9 I was on vacation (yes, we are allowed to take one week off of mandatory work per year, and we get paid for that week off) I was also very busy preparing some legal briefs on my case against Unicor and my complaint to the United nations. I was under court-dead lines and some staff's retaliation. Therefore I decided to shut-down my antennas (dettach myself from prison rumors or prison news from the grapewine, we call here "prisoner's radio News or prisoner.com) however threre is news that not matter what you do, you will hear about it, for example "the waxing operation" for visitors, since I did not hear about waxing, I concluded that there were no visitors. I really do not know why, but there are always visitors in the complex, all kinds of visitors, congressman, chief judges, students, etc; but what really disturbs me is the international visitors, we have had visitors from france, Germany iraq, China, etc; I wonder if the United States is exporting "prison's business"? Don't we have better 'goods" to export? or are the US Prisons becoming museums for tourism destinations? yuo tell me. Because I donot know. Anyway on August 10 after my lunch, I was going back to work after my sweet vacation, and i offered a fellow prisoner a ride to her work at the men's facility (I drive by myself to my work place on an E-Z-Go or a truck); on the way I invited her to stop at my workplace around 1:30 p.m. to enjoy a cuban coffee ( I am an expert in making any kind of cofee)she said: "Oh, I would too, but I cannot" i was surprised because we usually drink coffee at that time and I said: "why can't you" she replied: "there are some visitors coming today"; I said: "visitors! who; I have not heard anything" she said: "some japanese or chinese, I really do not know". i dropped her off, and on my way to work I was wondering visitors? Japanese? chinese? why does nobody know about this visit? why did the authorities did not made us wax? what do the japanese or chinese are doing here, they have prison labor even in worse conditions than ours, besides United States condenm their prison labor. See "The New Yor Times" March 01-2001's article about a chinese company that pled guilty in New York for violation of a 1932 law that prohibit any country to import to us any good make by prison labor (the goods were made by female prisoners); then I said to myself;"I must do some undercover investigation; someone must know what the japanese or chinese people are doing here"; "I must use my connections to find out;" I asked several inmates, several staffs; and I got the same answer "I donot know"; around 1;30 p.m. I was by myself at my work place and a staff (with a middle level range) stopped by my workplace and I usually talked to him about different topics and I also felt comfortable asking him questions and I knew that he had to know about the visit (it is part of his job) and I said to him: "do you know what the japanese or chinese are doing here?" he answered: "I do not know"; I continued: "I was wondering, because they have prison labor; maybe they are looking at our complex to build a complex in their country to give a little more comfort to their prisoners; or perhaps they are teaching our country how to run sweat shops in our prisons?"; he replied by saying: "Do you know what those (japanese or chinese) people do with their prisoners on death row?" I answered:'no I donot know" he said:(acting in the manner that he was speaking)"they put the prisoners on their knees facing back and kill them with a bullet fired to their head", and he did the gesture like killing a prisoner with such pleasure on his face. Then he said: "and you know what; they send the bullet casing to the prisoner's family and charge them for the bullet". When he was talking thousands of thoughts came to my mind and I got chills on my body; I was doing a big effort to keep my posture; I did not want to look weak and I wanted to appear strong. I said "do you know what else they do with prisoners"? he answered "no"; I said: "they tell prisoners that they are free to go and then they kill the prisoner for trying to escape to later take the prisoner's organs and export them to the United States and sell them for big dollars'. He replied "I believe you"; then I looked straight into his eyes and asked him: 'so, do you think that US will do the same with its prisoners, as those japanese or chinese; killed them all?" he answered very confused and he began to stutter: "well, I think (pause-stutter) . . . I do not think so". A few weeks had passed and I still had his comments and his gestures in my mind. To me, his comments and gestures are what I call "Mental Torture", here in United States prisoners usually are not subject to physical torture (federal level) but we are definetely subject to a high rate of "mental Torture"; specially female prisoners. My questions to you my friends is:what can we (you and I) do to stop or prevent the destruction by Mental Torture of thousands probably millions of prisoners lives who could be your neighbors or co-workers?. I love you all. Yraida (Leo)

Keep In Mind I am reposting from other site...

Please keep in mind I am reposting posts from our sister blog page http://spaces.msn.com/members/prisontalk

I will be continuing to move posts over throughout this month, and hope to be completely caught up by the end of the month. You can read our most current information on our sister page http://spaces.msn.com/members/prisontalk and remember, to post your comments and questions by clicking on the comments link below, or by emailing us at prisontalk@hotmail.com.

Thanks!
Steffi

Q&A

Dear Friends; I must to apologize for not keeping my promise to get back with you on a weekly basis, but my life have been a turmoil lately, it seems like I can not get organized, neither keep my enthusiasm and my financial status make the situation even worse, however I will no give up. So here I am again. I also must confess to you that I really do not know how I am going to be able to answer so many questions/comments that I received via e-mail and letters, further when I call some of my friends I get more questions, so please bear with me I am going to do the best that I can, but I can not answer all the questions, it is financially impossible for me to be on the internet at .05 cents per minute, so if I do not answer a question it is not because I do not want to; it is because I could not, however I promise that you will get an answer sooner or later either via mail, e-mail phone or article. I own you the questions/comments that I received from the article about the flies. i actually did not get too many questions, just comments such as: "uhh. . . um . . . mm. .. umh. . . huh. .. . no no no. . . wow. . . gross ... sorry to hear that. .. I wish I could help . .. I had to laugh about your ordeal with the flies. . . I will continue praying for you . . . " and much much more. There was a very well welcome comment from someone very special to me; my dear and close sister Briglig; that article was the first that I shared with my family because I do not like to give more worries to my family about my life in prison, after reading the article my sister send me a beautiful and very touching e-mail, she wrote about how much she loves me, about all the traits she sees on me and about how guilty she felt for no writing or visiting me more often specially after reading about the flies. There was also another comment that I must quote from a lady she said: " excellent, you shall write a book. . . I would like an article about showers. . . " uhh. . . showers!. My shower time is kind of personal and I get embarrased when people ask me personal questions. A friend (lawyer) who is also encouraging me to write a book gave me an advice; he said: "do not naked yourself when you write, you shall keep some secrets. . ." well I usually write what I feel or think, so I will take my friend's advice and adapt it to my style and yes the article about the shoers is coming soo. But be patience; things in here at Coleman are very very hectic, yesterday the national director Mr. Lappin was visiting the fcomplex and of course the authorities make us wax, wax, wax, pain pain clean clean and re-clean over and over. When he came to the camp I was off of work sitting on a picnic table eating a grapefruit. He was just a few steps away from me (just mere coincedence) but I did not feel like talking to him, after the years I had learned that talking to any member of our judicial, legislative or BOp branch is just a waste of time. What a dissappointed feelings of a democratic nation. I love you all. Yraida (Leo).

Family Day

Dear Friends; Last Saturday September 10 we have a family day. Family Day in prison means that our family and friends are allowed inside the compound (dining hall, chapel, recreation and education area) not inside our housing units. As I said before, this was the first time that I was going to be able run and sit on the grass with my sons in almost 10 years. For days I have been searching inside my heart a word to describe my feelings that day; up to this moment I have not been able to find one; it was such a mix feelings, I was joyful, sad, grateful, anxious, guilty, desperate, sorry, thankful, out of control, lost and much much more, all those feelings were traveling in and out of me at the speed of light; a few times thru the day I had to stop and think in order for me to regain posture. I thought that I was prepare, I had everything under control in my mind; to later find out that I couldnot articulate with my sons, I cry as I write this because that is really what the prison does for us, dettached us from our family and society and left us feeling like we do not fit anymore in society neither in our family but only in prison. I was adamant to believe that and I always said that that will not happen to me, but it did, however I will survive even if I have to suffer while I learn about my sons. Even though that I consider myself close to my sons, I realized that I do not know much about them, further I was afraid to ask, maybe afraid to be wrong or said something to prove that I was a mom that does not know her sons. My sons tell me over the phone what they do, however due to the time and financial limitations we do not get into details; for example if they tell me that they play beisbol, that is all what we have time to talk we can not get into details such as what position they play. This will be too long if I tell you every detail of this memorable time with my sons, but I want to share with you whathelped me to relax and allowed me to interact with my sons more easily, it was the fact that I was surprise to find out how much they know about me and how proud they were to let me know that they know a lot about mommie. When my sons walked in with my family, my sister Briglig (she is my special sister I adore her like if she were my own daugther) said: "You look great, How you lost so much weight?" my little one Jeswil (10 years old) jumped and answered: 'Briglig, mommie practices Yoga" I did not say anything just grap him, give him a hug and kiss him and then I said: "yes Briglig He is right" Later we were sitting in a circle under a tent and my sister said:"Tell me how is a regular day for you here" my oldest Yrwil (11 years old) jumped and said: "mommie gets up at 5:00 am and do exercise, then she walks in this track, she is also the choir director and she plays the keyboard so she practices music there at the chapel, she also do legal work there at that legal library ..." he was talking like he knew the place and knew every detail of my life inside prison, I did not know what to say, I just hold him tight to my heart and a tear roled down my face. When it was time to eat, we were standing in a long line (over 3000 family members plus inmates) we were debating how to make it simple for us, we thought to get the children's trays and we asking them what they want to eat. Jeswil said: " no hamburgers for me, I do not eat hamburgers like my mommie" my brother'n law in a surprise gesture asked: "Jeswil you do not eat hamburgers?" and he answered: " I had never ate a hamburger like mommie, rihgt mommie?" he continue and said: "and the corn and dog I only eat the corn part like mommie" I was just listening trying to learn more about their preferences that were just like my; then Yrwil said (trying to look like mommie too but he is like his father even in his preferences) I had ate just little pieces of hamburgers once and then but I do not like hamburgers either". My sister was wise enought to let me sit in one table alone with my sons, I asked them to bless the food and after debating betwen them which one was going to say the blessing. Yrwil begun the blessing by saying: "I thanks God for this time with mommie . . . " my heart and my stomag became a nod of sadness and I could not eat. The rest of the day, Jeswil did not get tire of playing, running, hugging and kissing me, the more that I hug and kiss him the more he wanted. Yrwil wanted a time alone ( he is more quiet) and after lunch he walked out of our circle without saying anything and started walking, when he was out of my sight I got up and looked for him and the sweetest moment of the family day came when my son Halored: "mommie" ! What a sweet word!. We sat alone and talked for almost an hour the subject of our conversation and what my sons said to others and to me about family day will be the subject of future Prison Talk Online. I honestly can tell you that deep inside my heart I am not sure whether I do or do not agree with Prison Family Day neither I can say whether I am happy or sad after the family day. Maybe your opinion will help. I certainly learned that I did not know how helpless a human being can feel specially a person like me that think that I am always in control of my feelings and my thoughts. I love you all. Yraida (leo)

Looking For a Male Inmate

I am looking for a male inmate to give the male point of view of prison life. Yraida provides us with the female point of view, and I would like a male prisoner to provide us with his point of view. If you know anyone who would be interested in doing this via email or even snail mail, please contact me at prisontalk@hotmail.com.
Thanks from the editor,
Steffi

We Are Working On It

In the next few days you will see posts coming as I move them over from the other blog site. I will be adding all our posts from the msn blog so please bear with me.

Q&A Keeping Sanity in Prison

Following is the questions/answers of the "keeping Sanity" article: Lots of questions were asked about Be-Be, Li-li, Ta-ta etc, you will hear more about them in future articles, the mostly asked question was: "What kind of cracy thoughts come to my mind?": First: that I am going to loose my mind; then: that I am going to die just before my release date and I am not going to be able to enjoy life with my sons; that I am not going to find a good job and provide the basic needs for my sons that I am not going to know how to dress, eat or even have sex, that I am going to come back to prison for any stupic reason like a notice of a change of address/job did not arrive on time to the probation officer's desk. and much more. Each week there is more people asking questions and to provide more access my friend Steffi is still working on the blog dedicated to this project; you can send questions to Prisontalk@hotmail.com or visit http://spaces.msm.com/members/prisontalk and click on "comments" link; also my engineering-friend Tom form November Coalition is adding links on the November Coalition web site, so more people can have more access to this interaction visit: www.november.org. Tom and November Coalition have givin me unconditional support since day one of my sentence. My requests to Tom are always granted in an expedianty mamner. (I love you Tom and tahnks); further my friend Carol is also helping by adding more links to her e-mail to increase the access. I get back with you within 3 days. I love you all. Yraida

12 Years 7 Months and FLIES

On September 17, 1996 I was sentenced to 12 years and 7 months, but the flies were not included in the judgment, but let me tell you my friends hundred of thousands of well fed flies are part of my sentence during summer time. As the majority of you I love summer time; I love those long, bright, sunny days, the son energizes me, I feel like gardening, joging, dancing, singing, painting, etc. I just want to hug the world and dance salsa (or merengue, my favorite) with it; however those well-fed flies with nine lives at Coleman-Camp are destroying my summer days; you just can't be outside, because hundred of thousands of them will attack you; when we complain to the authorities; the say that they have the same problem at their homes; I do not know if that is true or not; but one thing I know is that there is just too many flies and I truly believe that the flies here are bigger, fatter and live longer. Sometimes you think that you have killed the fly and she/he turn around and revives itself and once again you kill her/him for the second time and she/he stay still for 1 or 2 minutes and fly again. I hate those flies!!!! and I want to kill them all. I think even animal lovers would be happy killing these flies. There is air conditioning inside our housing units so there is 1 or 2 flies you will need to deal inside your cubicle; and there is air conditioning at my job; but the nightmare is at the dining hall, when it is time to eat, I ask God for strength to deal with the flies; first I must decide whether I go to eat or go to bed hungry; if I do not have anything in my looker or I need something hot I must go. Then I cross the compound from the housing unit to the dining hall as fast as I can (we can not tun in the copound) to avoid the attacking flies in my face, body , etc; and whwn I enter the dining hall, there is a line from the door to the serving line, I must stay in line. For unknow reasons those flies love my hair, I have a long, plentiful, black curly hair that I usually wear loose (I do not tie my hair because i get headache) when those flies start coming to my hair; it truly makes me sick and puts my sanity at risk; the flies get entangled in my hair and all I hear is the zum...zum....zum....zum...zum...of the flies around my ear, I get disturbed and my hands are slapping my head trying to take the flies away and to cover my ears at the same time, it is exasperating!, I do not want to touch the flies with my hands, but there is no other way to take those flies away from my head, at this point I begin to hallucinate and I do not know what I am saying anymore and I ask my friend (the phD prisoner Fi-Fi) "Why do flies like my hair so much"? I do wah my hair everyday, you know that'!! pleas answer me! Tell me why!!" she said:" it is because your hair is so long, black, curly and plentiful that the flies believe that your hair is a nest of their brothers and sisters.I do not know the scientific answer but if she is right or wrong I just choose to tie my hair on the top; then the flies still go to my head but do not entangled themselves and I feel them crawling on my head to my forehead; and at the same time the flies are crawling up and down over my legs, it is summer and I wearing shorts and moisterizer on my legs, since my hands are busy, I can not use my hands to slap the flies from my legs, so I begin to tap my feet (like step dancing) so here I am in the line lloking like a mental hospital patience, taping my feet, slapping my head and mumbling; when I finally reach the serving hot line I do not know what ti ask; I do not eat meat and I see the flies around the food; my mind is uncertain what to do, I am very hungry, there is nothing in my locker and I better get something so I decided on rice and beans, I continue the journey, holding the tray with one hand, the other hand slapping my head and tapping with my feet, I walk through the cold line (salads) I love salads but in summer time I must pass on the salads; even if the salads are covered there are a lot of flies having a good time at the salad bar; so I say no! no! no-thank you no sald for me today!!!, my last option is soup, It is hot and there is noflies on top of the soup; I hope for a good soup; there is only rice and beans on my tray; wow!!! Bingo !!!, creme of brocolli. I love Brocolli, I said to muyself; the day is safe i am going to enjoy the creme of Brocolli soup, I look for a table, there is one empty in the corner; I hurry to that table still tapping my feet and slapping my head; I sit and cover my tray with napkins; at this point the situation is even worse; it is just so gross!!!; the flies are around my hair, my legs, around my face trying to get inside my noise and into my eyes; just violently attacking me. I still try to eat and I get a spoon of rice and beans and when I open my mouth to eat, a fly is trying to get inside my mouth and I feel it on my lips, I get chills on my entire body, I hold the spoon and a fly stops over the rice and beans, then of course I can not longer eat the rice and beans; the soup is still safe and covered and I decide to eat the soup; I am very hungry; I lift the napking to beging to eat the soup and a fly lands in my soup. At this point I am not hungry anymore I feel like vomiting and I can not eat; i say to myself I better leave now, I am about to throw-up so I choose to drink some water and while I am drinking the water a fly stops on my lips and falls into the glass. IT IS OVER !!!!!!! I scream. I jump from the table and run to the track to cry. While I cry I think to write a letter to my judge and tell him about the flies and beg him to let me go to do the 15 months left of my sentence in home confitment; but he will never grants my request, the reality is that the "FLIES" are part of my 12 years 7 months sentence; so much for a first-time non-violent offender. I truly believe that these flies are part of the BOP Re-entry program. if you can handle the flies, you can accomplish anything. I love you all Yraida (Leo). Later today I will write about the questions from my previous article "Keeping Sanity" I see you all later.

Some Background Information

I am doing some active research on our wonderful prison systems here in the great US of A. I am not liking what I am finding out, nor am I liking what I am finding out that can be done about it that ISN'T being done about it.

I got involved with this when I came to know a remarkable woman named Yraida Guanipa who is currently serving a federal mandatory minimum sentence in one of our federal prisons in Florida. I am the type of person who looks for the good in all people, and can usually find it, even in the most lost of lost causes. Yraida does not fit this profile. As I got to know Yraida and researched her case, I came to learn alot about how our prison system-- especially our federal prison system-- works. I am learning alot about how mandatory minimums and federal mandation is taking the "just" out of American Justice. I would like to encourage you to keep reading and keep an open mind. Educate yourselves, my friends, because what happened to Yraida could happen to any of us alot easier than what you think.

Don't get me wrong... I am all for punishment for crime, but I believe that the punishment needs to fit the crime, and I also believe that a crime needs to have been COMMITTED before being punished! It angers me to see how easily a person can be tried and convicted on federal charges involving drugs without having even done anything criminal. It also angers me to see what we are imposing on these people when there are clear, more effective and more cost effective options available to us! The idea of prison is to a) PROTECT THE PUBLIC b) DETER CRIME c) PUNISH THOSE WHO COMMIT CRIME d) KEEP CRIMINALS FROM BEING ABLE TO COMMIT CRIMES FOR A PERIOD OF TIME. You will learn that not only are federal minimums very costly and largely cruel and inhumane, THEY ARE NOT WORKING! Remember, this system is supposed to protect US. There are clear alternatives that have been proven many more times effective that are not being implemented. These alternatives give our judges room to consider all the facts in the case, character of the defendant and many other important factors in any sentencing. These alternatives also offer ways to improve our currently disgusting recidivism rate as well as truly reform offenders.

So please, read on, post comments and ask questions. Please keep an open mind until you have seen the facts. Those who know me, know that if I back something, it has alot of merit to it. I appreciate any feedback y'all might have and please, pass this link on to any and all, ask questions, and be informed. And for God's sake, if you agree with what you read, TELL YOUR REPRESENTATIVE, because it's their job to work for us and this system that's supposed to protect us, is NOT doing it... Thanks...


****Editor's Note: I am currently working on moving all the posts over from the original blog site and keeping them up on both sites. Please bear with me on this, and you can read ALL posts until then at http://spaces.msn.com/members/prisontalk****