Toilet Paper

It was Tuesday February 22-06. I got-up lake because I did not have to work that day.Late for me means 6:30 am, so at 7:30 am I was walking my first lap of my 3 mile goal for that day. I turned-on my radio to listen the news and the first news that I heard was "A Toilet Paper deadly fight" the news reporter continued and said: "at Marion County Jail an inmate killed his roommate over a toilet paper fight". I stopped my walking and I wanted to cry. Ten thousands thoughts came to my mind. I was placing myself in everyone shoes, I was feeling sorry for the person that was killed. I was trying to comprehend the prisoner who killed his roommate; I was wondering how desperate he was, and I also wondered how violent or "animal instincts" easily arise in prison environment, and how the authorities were partially responsible for the death of that prisoner. Please do not take me wrong or believe that I am justifying the prisoner who killed his roommate, but we are in situations (provocated by the authorities) that put us in a positions or desperate circumstances that we have no option but to lie, steal and I guess for some, even kill. The toilet paper news hit me so hard because just two days before I was so desperate for toilet paper that I had to steal literately "STEAL" toilet paper from the yard bathroom, while I was sticking the toilet paper inside my pants and fitting the toilet paper so that an officer or other inmate would not notice the lump on my body, I was feeling sorry for myself and I was wondering how far I had to go in order for me to survive. I have bleeding problem and I usually prepare myself in advance with enough supplies for my cycle but last weekend I was bleeding out of my cycle, and I did not have enough toilet paper. Further I was not aware that the new counselor had decided to close the toilet paper supply room on weekends. Lately every day things change inside prison due to budget problems. Last year we were told that no toilet paper was going to be placed in the bathroom and that each one of us had to go to another unit upstairs to a special room to pick-up toilet paper at specific times. Half of the time the room is closed, for some reason such us the officer did not open the room, or the inmate in charge is at church, etc, etc. Further the time to pick-up the toilet paper is the same time that you are allowed to talk to the authorities, take a shower, go to work, etc, etc. Weekends were the easiest days to pick-up toilet paper and the counselor just changed the schedule, and I did not know. I could not ask any of my fellow prisoners because all are in the same situation as I am, saving and hiding their toilet paper. I never thought that being desperate for a piece of toilet paper was going to be part of my sentence. Well I am not the only female prisoner with bleeding problems, furthermore there are thousands of female prisoners with diarrhea, bladder problems and many elderly female prisoners with all kind of complications. Can you picture the mental state of a prisoner inside a cell with a diarrhea problem, with no toilet paper and getting no help from either the authorities or his cellmate? No matter how stressful he/she may be it is not a reason to kill, but it is absolutely a reason for our lawmakers and judges to rethink before imposing those draconian sentences for first-time, non-violent offenders and/or reinstate parole for federal prisoners. I love you all. Yraida (Leo)